two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
