you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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