Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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