She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
