Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
