She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
