I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have fence marks all over my body
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
