I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
