Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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