i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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