if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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