If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
