That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
