My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
FUCK WHALES
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