TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
