You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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