what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
