How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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