tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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