Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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