You're my little dorito
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
