You really coming over, don't trick.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
