So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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