Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
