Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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