Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
