Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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