I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
