I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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