I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think I sprained my soul last night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
