i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
