Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
