take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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