I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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