remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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