just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
