Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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