Say something about gay babies.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
