i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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