we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
