i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
