Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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