my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
