i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
