First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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