at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
