I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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