I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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