well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
