we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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