the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
