I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
