my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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