Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
