I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
