he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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