my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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