She said her name was "party"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
