yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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