I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
