Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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