Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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