Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
