I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Randomize
