So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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