so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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