when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
