ugly people sure do ruin things
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
