I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
