matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
