GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
