I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
