I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
