Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
only you would photoshop your dick
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
