Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
