I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
