One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You don't make any sense
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