So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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