did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
