I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.