I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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