I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I showed him my bush... on skype.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage