Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
